The Dots

My father got psoriasis when I was around four years old. There were no internet back then (at least in my neighborhood), so we didn’t have any idea of psoriasis. Even, the doctor said that it was an unknown disease. That disease have big impact to my father mental condition. He was shy about his condition, and, in my point of view, depressed. It was also obvious that he was avoiding social interaction. He was in the air force, luckily for us, he still got his salary although he didn’t go to work for years. His boss told him to stay at home, afraid if the disease’s contagious. Then he left the house for working in another city because the city’s weather was more friendly to his disease.

It affect me so much. There are values, which I believe, I learnt it by myself instead of passed down from him. Of course it still made a big learning gap, and I’m still trying to close it. Since his career was stucked and there’s medical bills to pay, we were struggling economically. My mother opened a small clothing kiosk to help put the food on the table. I admit that I was not a good responsible child back then. My grade was average and I prefer spent my time anywhere but school. It wasn’t a surprise, I never went into the best class. High school slipped away.

And today I randomly rewatch the speech, that remarkable speech.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. – Steve Jobs

God, I hope these dots will connect somewhere..

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